Ok.  Enough of this.  My astrologer tells me I take myself much too seriously.  (Yeah, an astrologer.  What else would I call her, an angel?)  I was going to get all tangled up in some new javascript that I found, and then maybe change all my icons from 32x32 size to 32x88 cuz I found a bunch I want to use that are the larger size, and then I might create more pages for this site within a sensible structure like other sites I see...

And then I remembered; there is something in me that needs to come out -- that's why I get into this kind of unfocussed frenzy.  So, what might it be?

I wonder sometimes why in this weblog I don't write most of the things that are going on.  Other bloggers give a nicely proportioned serving of their day with some detail, sometimes with great detail.  Why don't I do this?  (Rhetorical question -- no e-mails, please.)  So.  This is what is going on:

1. I am supposed to be looking for a new apartment; actually I'm supposed to be in a new apartment already, but since I am not, then I guess I am supposed to be still looking.  I find this difficult because
   1. I can't get out of bed -- not in the morning, not in the afternoon, nor at any other time of day even after I have been in bed long enough to have lost a pillow (the fact that I am able to recognize that a pillow is missing constitutes evidence of adequate rest -- but I still cannot get out of bed.  It is just so much nicer than the alternatives.) 
   2. Once out of bed (it's inevitable) I can make coffee, but I am unable to do anything else before supper-time -- not even shower -- much less locate and call prospective landlords, visit their properties, and ramp-up my enthusiasm to present myself as a generally desireable potential tenant.  And because,
   3. I don't want to.
2. I'm supposed to be living.  I am 43 years old and less than 200 miles from where I live, the lives of over 6,000 people -- most of them younger than me -- were snuffed out in less than 30 minutes.  You could say that I feel a little guilty about that, especially since I have done shit with my life, but let's not dwell on the negative.  Whatever else may be the case, there is some living to be done here, by me, in whatever time I have left.  However, I find that this too is difficult.  See item number 1, sub-items a, b, and c. 
3. I have blown-off (or am trying to blow-off) about $10,000 in credit card debt.  This item is related inversely to items number 1 and 2 in that 'success' here equates with failure in the other areas.  Of course defaulting on my debts was not my goal in spending so much money over the past four years.  But my logic was faulty.  I thought if I incurred so much debt that I needed to make more money, this would motivate me to advance professionally and increase my income.  Ha!  I don't think I really really believed that, but it provided a functional rationalization while I was spending six grand on computer hardware, and the other four grand on vodka martinis and tips for cute waiters. 

So that is what's going on -- or not going on, as the case may be.  And I don't feel even the slightest bit better for having not indulged my fetish for javascript merely for the sake of trying to be more like all the other bloggers in the world.  Harumph.  I'm going now to play with some javascript -- or maybe getting into bed would be nice.  Hmm...